"What if . . ."

Yes, I know I said I was taking a break but God has had something so heavy on my heart that unless I share it --

Yesterday at church our youth pastor had the message.  It was fantastic but one line he said is ringing in my head louder than any drum could possibly sound.

"What if the only words we heard were ones that beat us down?"

It made me think of every child on my bus route.

Friday morning was unbelievably horrid!  We had a 2 hour delay because of the ice so my kids who don't receive their medication until they get to school are already 2 more hours behind the 8 ball.

One boy -- 3rd grader -- was completely out of control.  He was calling other kids names that I refuse to put into print, let alone repeat.  As if that's not bad enough, he screams the names.

I brought him to the front seat - which required stopping the bus as he refused to move.

His anger raged out of control  - along with his voice.  He continued to scream "let me off this bus" until no one could hear themselves scream!

This brought out the worst in the boy next to him who also needed his meds.  They are now both screaming the same thing as we pull up to the front of the school.

I have already radioed for the school principal to meet me at the bus.

As we pulled to a stop boy 1 gets up and says he's getting off the bus.  This can't happen even on a normal day as we always must wait for a monitor to come to the bus door to escort the children inside the school. 

As he bolted for the door I had no choice but to physically restrain him by holding him from the back and putting my arms underneath his arms and locking mine in front of his chest.  He is not a small kid and this took all I had.  He fought furiously and as I was holding him and waiting for the principal boy 2 decided to squeeze past us and try and move the steering wheel of the bus!

I have no way to reach my radio to call for help and can only wait for the principal.  This "holding" goes on for atleast a couple of minutes before the principal does arrive.

But . . . she hasn't received the message that I need assistance because the bus driver parked in front of me has gone into a full blown asthma attack and the ambulance is pulling up behind me!  The principal is running to my bus so I can radio our transportation department and let them know what is going on!

All this time I am still restraining (or trying to) boy 1.

The principal now sees what is going on in my bus and as I continue to restrain him we off load the rest of the students.  Seriously --- I don't have any idea what they were doing all this time!!!!

Both the principal and I do our best to calm this boy but with no success.  Finally he calms enough to be released into school so I can deal with the emergency in front of me.  He does get into school and the principal makes the phone call to his parent.  (the number is programed into her phone!)

Boy 1 has now been expelled for I don't know how long and have no idea when he will return to my bus -- but he will return!

The asthmatic bus driver was treated by the emergency personel and took the rest of the day off.  I got her bus shut off and transportation sent someone to get her bus and return it to the bus lot. 

As I pulled away heading to pick up my final student  I will admit to you that I needed to pull to the side of the road to get my shaking under control.  I have dealt with alot on this bus route but this was a first!

And then those words from David continue ringing in my head.

Every single child on my bus has been beat down, feels unloved, feels worthless, feels less than the rest of the world, knows trouble by it's first name and can spell it backwards, doesn't get enough food or sleep or proper clothing to wear and thinks there isn't one single person in this big world that cares about them!

So how do we change that?  How do I make a difference in their lives?  How do I make a crack or dent or even a hint of change in the 20 minutes I have with them twice daily!

I don't!!!!!!    God does!!!!!

All I can do is give each one of them to Him.  He loves them more than any of us can imagine and He accepts them and He forgives them and He guides them and He has a perfect plan for their lives!

I just pray for the strength it takes to allow Him to use me and work through me.

Yes, I've been slapped, kicked, bitten, cursed at, and probably will again.  But one thing I know for sure is that Jesus CAN relate to each of these ---- remember Good Friday!!!!!

So . . . with His strength, His power, His armor, His love and Him inside of me I WILL do the best I can to make a difference with these children!

Please pray for these little ones!  All they know is being beaten down --- pray that they will be lifted up by their Heavenly Father!!

Now . . . time for my break!           Love to all.                               Susan and Monty